It’s time again for a quaretly entry from the “Crewman Stoopid” files….courtesy of our guest writer……..enjoy
“What in the world is Crewman Stoopid doing?” said the Captain to the Admiral. The Admiral looked over and saw Crewman Stoopid standing rigidly at attention and saluting a wrecked ship on the Bahamian coast. “Oh that?” she said. “That’s a family tradition for him, going back quite a few generations as I understand it.”
The Captain looked at the Admiral, looked back at Crewman Stoopid, and then again at the Admiral. ” I know I shouldn’t ask, but…..”
“Well as I understand it,” the Admiral began,” according to family legend there has been a Crewman Stoopid on every significant voyage or in every war throughout history.”
“But what does that have to do with saluting wrecked ships?”said the Captain, who, although he knew better, was unable to contain his curiosity about such a seemingly bizarre association between Crewman Stoopid and his family’s history of significant voyages.
“Well,” said the Admiral, who, because she had spent a lot of time tending to the various injuries of Crewman Stoopid, and had listened to many stories from him, knew more about him than most, ” according to Crewman Stoopid, there were actually four boats with Columbus when he came across. There was the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria, and the San Miguel. That was the ship that Crewman Stoopid’s ancestor was on, but unfortunately it wrecked and all aboard we’re killed.”
“I’ve never heard of that !” the Captain exclaimed.
“Well of course not'” said the Admiral, “people want don’t want history to remember their failures, only there successes ” The Captain, though still dubious, remembered that the Admiral was more often right than wrong, and wisely decided to remain silent.
“And then there was the second ship with the Pilgrims, called Thanksgiving, which also had a Crewman Stoopid aboard and which wrecked, and the pirate ship who’s captain was actually Crewman Stoopid’s great great great great grandfather, named Robert.” The Captain thought a moment and said with a smirk “don’t tell me , let me guess, the Dread Pirate Roberts, right ?”
The Admiral gave the Captain THAT look and continued “the pirate ship was named Tinker’s Bell, after his father, who was a tinker, and who gathered his customers by ringing a bell, but unfortunately it was wrecked while attempting to capture a fishing boat, and all were killed.” By now the Captain was thoroughly confused and in complete disbelief at what he was hearing, but couldn’t stop listening. It was like watching a train wreck occur, you just cant look away even though you want to. “Then there was the civil war ship named Liberty, which was captured by the British and destroyed” continued the Admiral, “and the World War I ship also named Liberty, which was sunk, and the World War II Liberty ship named…” The Captain interrupted “wait..let me guess..Liberty?”. “No grumpy” said the Admiral “they didn’t name the Liberty ships in WW II, it was just numbered 1313, and it was sunk too.”
At this point the Captain just decided to give up, sorry he had asked his original question, and not even sure what it was. “Ahhh .. I think I understand now.” he said, hoping that was enough to secure his exit from what was clearly a no win situation .
“Good” said the Admiral, ” now maybe you’ll have a little respect for other people’s customs.” The Captain nodded slowly and said “absolutely.” And he meant it. He was very impressed that Crewman Stoopid ‘s family tree had survived. Then he reflected that maybe the tree itself hadn’t actually survived…. maybe it was just the nuts.
Till next time !!!⛵️🌊⚓️💨
Sounds like Ensign Stoopid has been getting too much sun on his head and possibly cooked the remainder of his brain. Give the poor guy some rest, shade, and water!